My son said the following out of the blue the other day, sitting next to me at my computer: “I had a girlfriend in Boston who lived with me.”
I decided to interview him about this secret past life of his. I pulled up a blank Word document and began asking questions and typing. I went as fast as I could because four-year-olds who are waiting for a movie to start on the same computer you are typing on generally don’t have much patience for said typing.
What follows is an exact transcription.
What was her name?
Where did you meet her?
She was just my girlfriend
What color was her hair?
Brown, white and orange.
Oh, She liked punk music?
What was her favorite food?
Mud Bears (I don’t believe he is aware of the Urban Dictionary’s definition of this phrase, nor was I. Though I’m glad I am now).
I’ve never heard of mud bears, is it like donuts or something?
No, it’s actually like a gum and she eats it every night for dinner.
Is she tall or short?
She’s tall. She’s my brother so that’s why she’s tall (gestures to show she’s around 12 inches tall).
You said she was your brother and your girlfriend?
Big brother (gestures again to show he/she is about 12 inches tall).
Does she have a job?
Umm, she works at my work with me. That’s the end [of this interview].
What’s your job?
To make money for people.
Making money for people.
I know, but unless you work for Goldman Sachs you have to do something to make money.
I just put paint on it.
On the money.
So you actually make the money, like make it with your hands?
Mm-hmm, and paint it.
Do you give money to Lonky Tonky?
She just has a hundred. She already made it.
Does she make the same kind of money as you? Coins or paper bills?
Umm, paper bills. Now can I watch my movie?
What’s Lonky Tonky’s favorite movie?
Her favorite movie is “Spooky Mud Man.”
What’s her favorite color?
What’s her favorite thing in the world?
Well, that would make sense since she makes money. Where does she get the treasure she likes?
From good pirates, she gives them the money (she makes) and they give her treasure.
What does her name mean?
Lonky Tonky Honky Nonky, that’s her whole name. Just that, Dada. Just that.
What kind of car does she drive?
Does she drive it around in the streets or in actual races?
She drives it in races. In Boston and Massachusetts.
Does she know how to ride a horse?
Mm-hmm. That’s it, Dada (pointing at the Word document I’m typing). You’re almost to the bottom.